In today’s society, which is a social crazied bunch of crazy people doing anything for “likes” and views, it’s easy to lose or not find your authenticity. Did you know, that you can actually “buy” yes, buy likes to attract other people to “like” your stuff on social media? For $10 you can buy about 300 likes. Is that being authentic? Actually not only are the “likes” fake, but it’s cheating as well. Never mind how they are actually mostly stolen identities that are being sold on a black market so that people can be more popular and feel loved. Check out the article that was originally posted on New York Times The Follower Factory. The thing is though, is that these people who are posting things to the web and searching and buying likes are probably absolutely obnoxious and miserable in their person lives. Why? Because they are inauthentic. More concerned about others views and opinions of the fake persona that they put on when they do stupid things and post it online.
In the generation of millennials, social media, fear mongering, and fakes, when are we going to take our authenticity back? Today people are afraid of being themselves because of the hate that is going to hound on them for their beliefs. Never mind the amount of people out there who are so unaccepting of others opinions and beliefs. Oh, don’t even get me started on those who are so in your face that they will make it clear that anything you say or do is wrong and you should be ashamed. Get out of here! We are here to learn and people need to remember that! Stop being so hateful! Good lord people can be ridiculous!
Do you catch yourself falling into that trap of being inauthentic? If you are not sure, here are some bullet points to catch your attention:
- Worrying about what others think of you, so you ended up acting differently than you normally would in a comfortable situation. We are all guilty of this to a certain degree. We want to appear like we have our lives together and that we are doing something with ourselves or maybe there’s something that we feel is embarrassing so we try to hide it. Either way, stop worrying about what others think of you. As I say, they don’t pay your bills, so don’t worry about what they think.
- Not healing from core wounds can cause triggers in your life. We see it all the time on social media, at work. Maybe even at home. Those people who get super offensive and butt hurt because of something that triggered them. Let go of that shit. Just let go of it. You don’t need to be carrying around that trauma that leaves you feeling miserable. Even if you think it doesn’t, let’s face it, you catch yourself thinking about it when you are alone. Don’t lie. It’s there. Learn from it, understand it, forgive yourself, let it go. It’s holding you back and causing you to be negative and appear fake.
It doesn’t seem like it’s a lot because it really isn’t. It’s all psychological. In your head per say. All connected to your ego. You have to let go about being concerned about that image and start worrying about you. Stay in your lane. Do you want to be happy? Or do you want to continue to feel like you can’t be yourself and have to be fake in certain situations in order to not feel like such a disappointment or whatever it is that it’s making you feel. Be true to yourself and you situation. Being in the moment is such a huge thing and can change so much about your perspective on the situation. Here’s some more bullet points for ya that can help you be more authentic:
- Just be honest. It’s hard, it’s difficult, and it’s painful. For you. People who truly care about you, are not going to judge you for whatever mistakes, setbacks, or situations that have come up in your life. If you choose to lie and hide parts of yourself, you start getting caught up in those lies and then you become a pathological liar. Don’t even lie to yourself because it works the same way. Eventually the truth comes out and then you have to deal with the repercussions of your situation, which is, people stop trusting you because they realize that you’re a fake. You are inauthentic. See and accept your faults. Be honest with yourself and be willing to work on your faults will make positive change in your life.
- If you take one thing out of ANY of this, please take this bit of advice: Realize that you do not need people or things to make you happy. You don’t. TV, social media, and so on push so much advertising trying to convince you to think they know what makes you happy so that you go out and buy it so that you can be accepted into some tribe of numbskulls who world revolves around material things and being liked by people who don’t even like themselves but the image they present. At the end of the day, you have to look yourself in the mirror. Don’t get me wrong, I totally get it, even I would love to be able to cry in a Lamborghini, but in the end, it’s just a car. You can’t take it or people, with you when you die.
- You are not perfect. I hate to break this to you if you are just now hearing this. You are not perfect. No one is perfect. So stop trying to be, appear, think perfection. It’s not going to happen. Perfection is boring anyway. It’s not exciting and having flaws builds character. Accept that you are not perfect nor will you ever be perfect in this life. And it is okay! We try to be this perfect person to make others happy, to try to make ourselves happy, to try to make someone happy, for whatever reason. It’s not going to happen. You cannot make everyone happy first of all. Trying to be perfect and trying to make someone else happy is only hurting you and holding yourself back. You need to be authentic and realize that people who truly care about you will care about the authentic you and love you unconditionally, warts and all. You also need to love yourself unconditionally in all your imperfections. Everyone is different in their own way, and maybe that can make someone perfect to someone else. We are not perfect. We are all different, and we shouldn’t try to be a perfect someone to make others or ourselves happy because it’s just not going to happen.
- Live your life. Live your life according to your Divine path. Don’t live it to make others happy. Live it for you and experience life, internally and externally. Everything in life is a lesson and if we don’t take time to live our lives and learn the lessons, well then we are not living at all. We are afraid of getting hurt so we make the conscious choice not to live our lives. You are holding yourself back then from your true potential. Take that vacation, take that collage course, ask that person out. Live your life for you. As long as you are not hurting others, who cares?! Find out who you are. Try new hobbies and make new experience. Find out who you are outside of your normal everyday world. I am more than just Christine, mother of four. I have to find out what other aspects there are of me, that make me, me.
- Learn to think for yourself. This kind of seems like common sense, but it’s something that I hear of a lot these days. People listen to some other person and then believe that person’s opinion about something and then it just continues and grows. At some point people stop thinking for themselves and just believe whatever hate fueled rhetoric someone else is spewing. If someone sits there and says, I hate apples, they are gross and make horrible pies, and you’ve never had an apple before, you are probably going to believe them and then when someone else says, hmm.. I’ve never tried apples before, you are going to be like STOP! DON’T DO IT! Someone else told me apples are gross! That’s how these chains are started. This goes back to living your life. I wanted to break it up into two parts though because it’s really important to think for yourself. Experience your life, listen, actually listen, to everyone and everything, and make up your own opinion on things. And remember that your perception of reality, isn’t the same as everyone else’s. Find your core values and make sure that they are yours and not someone else’s. You are able to find a group of people who share your same core values, but it’s important for you to find yours, and live them.
- As the once great Vanilla Ice once said “Stop, collaborate and listen”. Seriously. When you are within a group or even one on one with someone, be there, stop what you are doing, be part of the conversation, and listen to the other person or people. Give them space to say what they need to say without you daydreaming, thinking about what you are going to eat later, or trying to interject what you think they are trying to say. Just stop. Give them space. Meaning, listen to them without interruption, without talking over them and without telling them what you think they should be doing. Just. Listen. Even when you are part of a conversation, it is important to express yourself, vocally, your opinions or beliefs, in a positive manner in which others are not being belittled or hateful.
- It takes constant work to be authentic. It’s not something that changes over night and takes dedication and the releasing of fear of judgement, past trauma and experiences. Work on building up you. Build up your self esteem, stop doubting yourself and your abilities and trust yourself more. It’s going to take practice and there will probably be setbacks, so don’t be so hard on yourself. Ask yourself if you are doing something because you feel that you have to do it versus because you want to do it. If something makes you uncomfortable or upset, don’t do it. Learn to say “no”. Build positive relationships with people that you want in your life. Build these relationships based off of love, trust, and respect. If you have to in order to help yourself, seek professional medical attention. There’s nothing wrong with talking to a medical professional and getting the help you need. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Try to connect to your higher self through meditation and build a stronger relationship with yourself.
- Take a look at your environment. Is it messy? Clean it. Does your job stress you out? What are some things you can change about it? If quitting your job isn’t an option, then realize that you do not have control over certain situations or people. Use the 3 foot rule outside of your home. You cannot control what happens three feet from your body. Can you add little things to change your environment? Hanging up a picture, adding flowers, maybe something new that you didn’t have before. These minor changes can change your attitude a lot more than you would think. Set realistic goals for yourself and focus on working towards them. You are not just going to hop, skip and a jump to these goals. You have to do things that will bring these goals to life. It take progress and hard work on your part. Don’t beat yourself up if you find obstacles in your path or the something didn’t work out this time with the goal. Keep trying. If it doesn’t work, change the manner in which you want the goal to be created. Maybe it’s your goal to get that promotion, but you don’t get it, and you have to learn a lesson as to why you didn’t get the promotion. It could be because you would work better in a different area than the area your goal was currently set in.
As I said before, being your authentic self doesn’t happen overnight, but work on it to build a happier you.