In the Greek story of Narcissus and Echo, Narcissus is an attractive young man who was loved by many, but he was vain, and felt that he was above everyone and no one was worthy of his love. One of those people being the nymph Echo, who could only repeat the last thing anyone said. When Echo tried to gain the attention of Narcissus, he cruelly rejected her, and thus she ran for the mountains in her embarrassment and shame. She wasted away to nothing, becoming one with the mountains until there was nothing left but her voice. Even though Narcissus continued to play with the affection of others, he continuously rejected them once he became bored, causing many nymphs to become heartbroken. The gods became angry, and as a punishment, damned Narcissus to fall in love with someone who was not real, and could never love him back.
One day while out enjoying the sunshine, Narcissus came upon a pool of water. While gazing into it, he caught his reflection, believing that it was a water nymph. He did not recognize his own reflection, and quickly became infatuated. Narcissus, trying to touch his beloved, reached into the pool at his reflection, only to have the water ripple, and the reflection distort. Believing that his water spirit was trying to leave him, he became frustrated, asking why the water spirit was rejecting him so. Once the water calmed, he once again saw his reflection. Reaching out a few more times, the water distorted and he panicked. Once again, the water calmed, and he could again see his reflection. He then became afraid of losing his water spirit, and instead, laid there gazing at his own reflection, not moving, staring into its eyes. Too afraid to move, he let himself waste away to nothing, eventually becoming one with the earth. In the place where he had laid, a single flower grew and bloomed. It became known as the Narcissus, forever looking down at its own reflection.
In a previous blog post, I explained what an empath was. Those sneaky people who suck up negative and dark emotions to leave behind light and happiness. But what happens when a empath meets their arch nemesis, the narcissist? Holy hell, watch out world! Someone call for help because this is going to be a mission impossible!
As an empath who has been in a narcissistic/sociopathic relationship before, this is the probably the hardest thing an empath will ever go through, but the most liberating. Because as an empath, we want to see others happy, and we want to protect others from having to experience the dark sides of themselves. We feel like it’s our own personal mission, our goal to make someone’s life better than before we came into it. Sadly, it can really cost us a lot. Our confidence in ourselves, and our emotional and energy levels will crumble away.
This is a kind of touchy subject for me. I was married to this person for 7 years. We had 3 beautiful children together and he is a good dad when he can be there. But our relationship was very rough from the get go, and I should have taken it as a sign then to not follow through with the relationship and part ways. But you see, there was a karmic connection. I knew this person for so many years and I knew this person from past lives, so I thought, this is meant to be, so why not? It’s kind of difficult for me to sit here and defend him, because he can be a really good guy when he wants to be, with the best of intention. But it was a life lesson I will never forget.
In the beginning I had never heard of the term “narcissist” or “sociopath”. This was completely lost on me, even though he gave me fair warning that he was a sociopath. Instead I brushed it off and said I could handle anything thrown at me, like the big girl I like to think of myself as. I really should have done my research before diving in head first into this crazy whirlwind of a relationship.
So what is a narcissist? You can pretty much describe a narcissist as someone who is self-loving, and no, not in a healthy way, but in an obsessive way. They are convinced, in their own mind, that they are so greatly important, that people will stop and listen to everything that they have to say. They consider themselves as one of the most influential people, who in their mind, is greatly loved and admired, and anyone who doesn’t believe this, is wrong. If you do not agree with them, you are wrong. If you do not admire them, you are wrong. If you do not believe their stories and lies, you are wrong. Point. Blank. Period. YOU ARE WRONG. Get use to it. No one in a narcissist’s life is right, but them, unless of course you agree with them. They are the sun, and everyone else is simply planets who revolve around them. They will create lies to make them seems so greatly important. Not only that, but they will do mean, nasty things to people to lesson someone else’s light, to make theirs brighter. And because they are so great and wonderful, they do not care about other’s that they hurt as they strive and continue to find ways, no matter how evil or cruel, to feel as if they are being worshipped. They are very egotistic and can consider themselves very erotic. They also very concerned about impressing others and will fabricate stories. This can cause many eye rolls from those who know the signs.
What is a sociopath? Sociopaths and narcissist share similar traits. This is someone who behaves in a violent way, whether emotionally or physically, and feels no remorse or guilt for their actions. I believe that a narcissist has the potential to change, but from research I have done, a sociopath does not. A sociopath is believed to have a brain abnormality that prevents them from feeling any emotion, other than anger or displeasure. Because of this, and they are fully aware of it, they learn to mimic emotions of happiness and love in order to feel “normal” or blend in with the crowd. They can be very deceiving at first, but the truth always comes out eventually. They depend on your energy in order to live through you. They are emotional vampires.
As an empath, we believe that we can help anyone and everyone who is in a constant state of darkness. We can easily drive ourselves mad taking care of narcissist and sociopaths. It starts out innocently enough. They show interest in you, convince you that you are the love of their life. They cannot live without you. They need you. But then the truth starts coming out. Here are a few signs of a narcissist/sociopath:
- They make themselves appear to be victims of circumstance.
- They are able to manipulate people into believing and doing anything they ask. Because they are right you know.
- A sociopath/narcissist have an over blown ego.
- They are capable of making you worried and afraid.
- They believe that the world owes them something.
- They can make you feel guilty and take advantage of your kindness.
- They easily get bored and demand more and more of your attention, and if they cannot get it from you, they will find it somewhere else.
- They can leave you feeling unloved, but can quickly reel you back in, causing you to second guess yourself.
- They do not take responsibility for their actions, but blame everyone else. And if they do take responsibility, which could be due to constant hounding and pushing on your part, they tell you what you want to hear in order to keep dragging you along, and can easily repeat the same actions without a single feeling of guilt.
- They are two-faced, extremely critical of others behind their backs
- Live in a fantasy world, typically of porn, affairs and dreams of fame
- Irresponsible with money
- Superior attitude
- They can very much act different in private and public
- They cannot handle constructive criticism
They may have had a rough childhood, could consider themselves victims of their peers, and can create any story and make it believable in order to win you over. Because they are so good at what they do, and are capable of believing their own lies and can create emotions to back them up, an empath feels deeply when around a narcissist or sociopath if they are not aware of what one is. This is how they fall into the trap.
But why does a narcissist/sociopath chose you? Of all people, why do they choose you? An empath can give off a feeling of love and confidence. You are a bright light in a dark world. They chose you because of the qualities they lacks. Those feelings of love. You pick them up and boost their ego. Remember, they are an unloved victim. You keep their nightmares at bay, and you guide them with your amazing light. You are attentive and give into their needs to be happy. You are loyal and open to anything to see them smile and bask in their love.
Once an empath becomes involved with a narcissist or sociopath, the truth of the person’s character slowly starts coming out. At first it can start wish secrets. Maybe they are cheating. A narcissist/sociopath is convinced that they will never be caught, but if you are a good investigator, it’s not hard to catch them in the act. Once caught and confronted, they can accuse you of being crazy. Or maybe the other person is crazy and obsessed with the narcissist. Either way, there is no such thing going on, and it is completely all made up by the one who found it. Because why would a narcissist have a reason to cheat? They love you. You are their world, their sun. Why, that other woman/man is crazy. You’re crazy to even question their love for you. How dare you even second guess them! They mock shock and act devastated. Why, they would never do this! You are the only one in their world! And any pictures, emails, phone calls, or text messages, can be quickly explained away, and you, being the loving person you are, fall for the lies, eventually believing that there is no such thing going on and that it must simply be a made up scenario in your own mind. You continue to love them. Making excuses for them. You continue to help them through their darkness, because they have you convinced that they cannot live without you, no matter what evil deeds you continue to find, they will continue gaslighting you, convincing you that you are sick in the head. And why would they be wrong? They are amazing, and loving, and blah blah blah.
They can become violent, blaming you for their anger. You accept it as your own fault, and go out of your way to do anything to make them happy. You begin to lose a sense of self. You are so consumed by negative emotions and depression, and your only goal is to take away their darkness. Make them happy. Help them see that the world is a beautiful place, that without realizing it, you have now become a victim of abuse.
I found myself in a situation where I had completely lost all emotion. I was numb. I came in last, my children barely came second. But the narcissist/sociopath sure as hell came in first. They made sure of that. I was convinced that I was crazy. I saw counselors and therapist. I had to be put on medication. All of my beliefs before coming into this relationship were taken away from me by the narcissist/sociopath. Everything that I held onto for strength. My faith, my hope, my God, everything. The only thing that pushed me to fight were my children. I was convinced that I was such a horrible person that I deserved the emotional and physical punishments that I received. That I was a horrible wife and mother and I deserved to be locked away in a nut house. My counselor only listened to my narcissist/sociopath and not me and was convinced that I suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder. They sent me to a psychologist who medicated me. Making me a zombie, a shell of my former self. I stopped taking the medication and looked for a therapist. After weeks and weeks of going to one, she asked me one day, “Why do you keep coming back? There’s nothing wrong with you.”. I told her, “because things at home have not changed. That is why I keep coming back.” So we tried marriage counseling. Though it resulted in us being able to communicate and argue better, they acted more loving for a while, but they still had not changed. It was only temporary, enough to keep me from leaving. It got to the point where the therapist told me that it was time for me to pack up myself and my kids and move out.
Only I couldn’t. I stopped going to the therapist. I was so convinced that if I stayed with the narcissist/sociopath, I would protect everyone else from being their victim. That I would protect another woman from being hurt. I was convinced that it was my obligation, to live with this partner, for better or worse. Because after all, isn’t that what we promised each other? I started pointing out his manipulation, his lies. Calling him out on his horrible acts. Though I was beaten and exhausted, I tried to stand up against them. After a while things changed. We stopped sleeping in the same bed. It was like I no longer existed. My needs were ignored. I felt emotionally and physically neglected. At this point, I was numb. No emotion. Only a shell. I prayed to God to give me a sign, give me faith that I could pull out of this. Show me the way. Get me out of this! The signs started happening. Thing started falling into place. Quickly at a rapid pace. I found my way out, but my narcissist/sociopath, in a panic, accused me of not trying hard enough to fight for us. My relationship with this person was already dead in my heart, but to prove a point, I agreed to go to marriage counseling again. Under their terms. My narcissist/sociopath was an atheist, but they wanted to go to a Christian counselor. It had to be a man. So I agreed. And we went. My narcissist/sociopath threw me under the bus. “She does tarot cards, believes in ghost. I think she’s crazy!” he said sitting next to me. The counselor could see it in my face. Knew that I had been beaten down till there was nothing left. I had become the victim, but I was determined enough to leave as the victor.
Shortly after, my prayers were answered. I left standing on my own two feet. A survivor, not only as a human but as an empath. It lead to my spiritual awakening. I had become free.
If you have found yourself in this kind of situation, these are some red flags that you should look for:
- Your words are used against you. Everything you say will be turned around and shot back at you like daggers.
- They appear to want to help you, but they end up leaving you feeling miserable and drained
- They can make disturbing statements, then try to convince you that you misunderstood what they said, and that they never said it. You, “took them out of context”
- They make you feel guilty
- They make you question your own sanity
- If you do not give them what they want, they will withdraw their love and affection, using it as a punishment, and will easily place it somewhere else
- You are unhappy, but yet you fear to lose the relationship, no matter how complicated it seems
- You feel like you are walking on eggshells. Afraid any wrong word or movement will cause their anger
- They try to isolate you. They will try to convince you that everyone else is horrible and that it would be in your best interest to stay away from them.
Remember that you are stronger than them. If you know the signs and recognize them immediately, you can prevent yourself from being drawn into this kind of relationship. If you have been in one, know that they will continue to try to come back into your life, just so they can continue to try to control it and drain you of your energy and emotion. Leave. Do not give into them. Set boundaries, do not let them cross them. Do not try to be friends after your relationship with this person. They are not your friend. You will overcome this. Eventually they will find someone else. It is not your responsibility to protect the world from them. You have to protect yourself. You are the light and they are the dark.
I can now be civil with my narcissist/sociopath, but I refuse to be friends with them. Since we have children together, I want my children to see that parents can have a good relationship, and still not be in each other’s lives. After years of forgiveness, not only for them, but for me as well, I am finally able to live in peace with myself. I do not regret anything, because without it, I would not be the person I have woken up to be.