I haven’t written anything in a long while, and most of that is due to major life changes recently and still working on things in my life up to this point. When I started this manifestation journey, it was very difficult for me to come to terms with the idea of intentionally doing it and feeling that I deserved what I was manifesting. We know that we are always given what we need be the Divine in order to learn, grow, and survive. But sometimes there is more that we want in life. This was hard for me because I felt that as being someone who already had everything that I needed, that my wants were not nearly as important as my needs. I didn’t need a new job, I didn’t need a partner in my life as I’ve already gone years being a single parent to four, I didn’t need to buy a house. Those were my thoughts. It’s hard to realize that despite the fact that I don’t “need” those things, it’s okay to have those things. Coming to terms with that was very difficult. I have a very supportive group of friends and family who were split down the middle. No you don’t need someone in your life, yes you deserve to have someone in your life. No you don’t need a new job, yes you deserve a new job. No you don’t need to buy a house right now, you deserve to do what makes you happy. When you have those two feeding into each other, it’s difficult to know which one to listen to.
I had been at my job for over four years and it just seemed like it wasn’t going anywhere. I did the same thing every day and there was no challenge to it at all. I loved my job and the people who I worked with, but I felt like there was an empty spot that needed to be filled. Just like with my personal relationships. I’ve been single for over 2 years, focusing strictly on my kids and myself and I felt like maybe it was time to reach out and start dating again. I tried to date a year ago and that just didn’t work out so well. Dating left a very bad taste in my mouth and I didn’t think of the stress of it was worth it. Focusing on my kids, myself, family and my job was so much easier than worrying about matching schedules and going on dates with guys who just “didn’t get it”.
I went into transition right at Mercury Retrograde, August 30th, 2016 and that’s when I was told big changes were coming up. Transition is when your abilities shut down for a period of time to allow your spirit self to catch up and adjust to changes that you just went through and are about to. You go through many transitions during the awakening process and continue to go through them during your spiritual growth. My transition this time was mind blowing. Though I couldn’t hear my guide, and everything was quiet, there were signs of big changes everywhere. Starting almost immediately I starts seeing numbers every where like, 1111, 2222, 333, and so on. Since I frequently worked with numbers anyway, these numbers became more frequent on a daily basis, seeing more and more numbers every day. (A separate blog post will be created to explain the importance of numbers in our lives.) I’ve always had a fascination with numerology ever since I was a little kid of 12, but these were new numbers that even though on occasion I would experience, this was on a whole new level. I did some research and found that these numbers were telling me that I was going on the right path, and I just kept going to wherever they directed me to go.
When I started to do my manifestation work, one thing I definitely wanted was a better job with better pay and more responsibility than I had before. By September, my sister tells me the company she works for is hiring new people for another shift that they want to start. Though it wasn’t a shift I wanted work, I went with my gut feeling and the signs I was seeing and applied for the job, immediately getting a call back for an interview. The interview process went great and I was exactly what they were looking for. I was unsure about starting a new job and leaving the current company that I worked for. I had so much history where I was at, that the fear of starting over was holding me back. The process ended up taking me a month to finish before I started my new job. Fear can really hold you back from what you want, but I really wanted this so I knew I needed to jump before it was to late. Even during the whole hiring process, I saw numbers everywhere, on my way to the interview, on my way to my physical, everywhere. I knew that I was going the right direction.
Something else that was going on during this transition blew me away. I’m one of those people who try to see things from a multiple different angles before I make an opinion on something. I do research, try to see things from a scientific point of view and a spiritual one. Just like with some things, it’s not always possible to get all angles and you have to go off of plain blind faith that it is what it is. This had and still has me in denial and yet everything I have read and talked about with my friends, is still just mind blowing to me. I’ve come in contact with my twin flame. It started out with feeling as if someone was following me and calling me. There were dreams and a tug at my chest. Since I could not talk to my guide because I was still in transition, I had to depend on friends and their guides to help direct me in what I needed to do. Open yourself up and accept it, I was told. Well how on earth do you just open yourself up to something that you are not sure is good or bad? Well isn’t this something that we constantly work on every day?! So I opened myself up and I saw him. The other soul. Connect with him, I was told. I did that and there was an instant attraction and my heart chakra opened up and I felt as if it was being ripped from my chest. Accept him, they said, it will be easier to breath and less painful. I did. Our heart chakras connected and we became one through our heart chakra. The melding together made the pain ease and breathing a lot easier. But what do you do now? Get to know them! How do you get to know a soul that you do not recognize or remember? Talk to them. Love them. Allow them to become one with you. This all seemed crazy to me without the guidance of my guide, but I went with it believing that this had to happen. We talked, we shared moments together, we told each other we loved each other, we spent moments looking at the stars and moments dancing together. Our souls wrapped in each others arms becoming one soul.
My transition ended the end of Mercury Retrograde, September 22nd, 2016, and then everything went black. I had been completely blocked. There was no sound, no feeling. I couldn’t see anything like I did before. The only thing constant was my numbers. I’m still not sure exactly what happened, but a blockage had been created where before there wasn’t one. I lost conscious contact with my twin flame. I was devastated. I kept living my life and following my numbers not sure what else to do. I started my new job in October, and threw myself into that working 14 hour days and trying to take care of four kids in the process. The holidays are coming up and I needed to focus on the overtime for Christmas and birthdays and new changes that were ahead of me. Then one day while talking on the phone with my friend, she convinced me to open a preexisting online dating profile that I had closed a long time ago. You never know, she said. Well why not? What do I have to lose? Not like I can hear my guide or anything so I don’t have to worry about them yelling at me or telling me what I’m doing is wrong. It’s kind of a joke because sometimes I can be a stubborn student and get knocked on the head pretty often, more often than I should be. I reopened my account and decided to scope out the singles in my area. Most of them I was just telling myself nope, not that one, don’t like how he’s dressed, don’t like his profile, his picture sucks, this guys is obviously desperate, thinking of every reason why I didn’t want to talk to this person or that person. Finally I came across a profile, not the best picture, but I heard, “he’s going to message you”. I had heard my guide for the first time in a long while. “No he’s not” I replied. “Oh yes he is, just wait and see.” The next day I got a message, and not just any message but also a message from the Divine. When I first opened the dating site, it pops up with “People Who Want to Meet You” and the number of people was 1111, a twin flame number. Then the time that I received the message was at 5:55, a number of big changes. Sure enough, it was the guy that my guide said would message me.
This is the beginning of a whole new chapter in my life. My mind is still in a whirl with everything that has developed and I’m excited to see where it goes from here. Though I’ve been blocked, and I’m still in the process of unblocking me, there were a few things that I’ve for sure learned during the process. Don’t let fear hold you back, numbers don’t lie, and have faith that all things will fall into place.